Friday, May 17, 2013

So my big boss gave me an earful that night, said my work was not up to mark.
   But I had support with one of my immediate superiors that my work was not up to mark according to my big boss because it is subjective. 
  My work does involve some degree of creativity and we know that when evaluating this creative aspect of the work, it is subjective. It's depends on who is looking at the said piece of work. Unfortunately for me, it was not up to mark, said my Big Boss. 
  Argh, it really fucked me up that night, but because it was so late and we were all chasing the Deadline, I was like "Oh Gosh, just do whatever I need to do and get it done."
  My immediate superior was being understanding  and told me, "Don't worry about it. It's subjective if he thinks the work is not good." I reckon my immediate superior has experienced getting fucked by the Big Boss before, so I guess he was just speaking from experience. 
  I think it's absolutely normal for a boss to get pissed off about his subordinate's work. It's purely professional and it's all about work. It happens. On a daily basis, dozens of time to workers everywhere in the world. That's the whole point of a job, to do something hard in order to get paid. As my mom said once, "kerja mana yang tak susah". 
  The point is to not get to you so much, because if it does, then you should rethink your priorities. 
  The thing about the whole episode was, I was at a point which I did not care about anything. In my mind, I am planning to consider other options. I want to do something that will get my blood pumping again. I know I have been here for a long time, but I chose to stay because I have been too lazy to look for something else. When in fact, it is possible to do something else. 
   You just gotta look for it. Consciously and actively pursue it. In my case, it's about making that little bit of effort first. Just do something.
  Just as when I first got involved in theatre during one of my outstation stints, all I did was show up at one of the practice sessions. 
  I befriended some guy and he told me about this play he was involved in and how he was going for practice one night and he just asked me to come. i could have chosen to sit in my rented apartment that night and lay like broccoli in front of the TV that was placed on the floor (I had no TV cabinet back then). 
  But I showed up. I was bored with life and myself and I simply went out of my way to try something. 
  Anyway, it was one of the best decisions I ever made.
Oh, it wasn't easy, mind you. As with every first phase of getting to know people, I felt like an outsider. I barely new them and they barely knew me. I remember splitting from the scene when we were setting up for the first show I was involved in. I went to tapau some KFC and went home to eat in front of the TV. Yeah, I did not have any big role at the time-- I think I was only a stage hand--- so yeah, I just bolted but I did return close to the show to help out.
  It was an NGO specialising in theatre. But we got paid, y'know. I was paid, umm, RM50  or something. Not bad eh? Because every show gets paid I think. But after that first show, I began acting small parts and moved on to bigger parts. I was stage manager, and I loved every minute of it. I acted as a transvestite and once, our troupe entered a competition. So cool.
The fact that I'm talking so much about it here should be telling me something.
But yes, I need to do something that pumps up the blood.

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