July 3, 2009:
You want to hear the words, don't you?
Admit it. You want me to reach out for you.
You want to feel needed, right?
Nothing else could explain the phone call.
The world revolves around you.
But there ain't no one for you.
No one's there.
------------------------------
Three weeks after my heart was broken....
Some things going through my head today......
1) FIRST OFF, Michael Jackson that talented guy who could break cool dance moves, the writer of wonderful beautiful songs has died. Such a shocker. I'm so sad. You do get sad when you listen to "You are Not Alone" a million times today, and then you realise he was such a talented bloke.
God bless him.
2) MY Disintegrating relationship....Oh fuck it already. I have already blabbered enough to all my friends about this matter. There's nothing left to talk about. I harbour hopes of reconciliation, i.e I wish we would get back together. But , what to do if orang tak mahu. Get over it, you sour puss cry baby.
Sure, people like me
Get yourself together. Get a grip, for God's sake.
People are dying, and some don't have enough to eat. LIFE IS SHORT. You know, I watched the new Nickleback video clip "If Today Was Your Last Day" and I thought, wow...life is bloody short. The video was about all a dude giving away his savings money to strangers and a groups of people wearing wind-breakers with words "Fall in love" , " Call up an old friend" and all kinds of to-do things before we die shit.
So what did I do after watching the wretched video clip? I fucking text messaged my beloved and gave him a virtual kiss, just for the heck of it.
Dude, he's got to understand that I still have feelings for him, regardless of his feelings for me.
Look, if Michael Jackson's death does not teach you that life is short, then I don't know what will.
3) I AM SO OBSESSIVE when it comes to stuff. I concentrate so much on things that I burn myself out. Check me out today. I was typing my three stories for the state assembly and my friends around me saw how madly focused I was on my work- with frowning face and kerut dahi while typing my story. I suppose I get so obsessive of things that it becomes suffocating. There's no room to breathe.
I was stressed, which is something that always happens to me.
One friend had to tell me "Nyah jangan tension". Another colleague told me to "rilek la" as I stared so full of concentration at my PC screen.
Today, I had to juggle work and the prospect of meeting up with an old friend, who came to JB from Singapore. I ended up not meeting my friend, as I was so engrossed with work that I did not realise that the time had flew. Before I knew it was 4pm and my friend had to rush back to Singapore.
It sucks to lose out on things just for work sake. It has happened to me before. With Akademi Fantasia. With attending Omaro's wedding. With watching an Istana Budaya theatre show many years ago. These were all lost opportunities.
------------------------
(the following is an earlier entry, which I haven't posted)
Two weeks after my heart was broken.....
I have come to grips with my broken-hearted situation. I have realised that I can live without him. It's true what friends say, that time is a healer. I will get over the love that is lost. Though I am still hurting, at least I can see this vision of myself - it's me having a nice life with a special person who I love and loves me back. I will hold on to that vision.
Gosh, I was quite fucked up. Imagine having your lover tell you that he wants an open relationship. I admit, that in My World, many people like me practice open relationships. But honestly, such openness just leads to a bleeding heart.
Being a guy, I have my sexual release. Nay, being a living breathing human means that I have sexual need. But I openness comes at a price. I can only take this open relationship thing up to a certain point.
My heart cannot take casual flings with strangers anymore. If I want to get over him, it would be by way of a new lover, or something big has to occur that keeps me distracted.
You want to hear the words, don't you?
Admit it. You want me to reach out for you.
You want to feel needed, right?
Nothing else could explain the phone call.
The world revolves around you.
But there ain't no one for you.
No one's there.
------------------------------
Three weeks after my heart was broken....
Some things going through my head today......
1) FIRST OFF, Michael Jackson that talented guy who could break cool dance moves, the writer of wonderful beautiful songs has died. Such a shocker. I'm so sad. You do get sad when you listen to "You are Not Alone" a million times today, and then you realise he was such a talented bloke.
God bless him.
2) MY Disintegrating relationship....Oh fuck it already. I have already blabbered enough to all my friends about this matter. There's nothing left to talk about. I harbour hopes of reconciliation, i.e I wish we would get back together. But , what to do if orang tak mahu. Get over it, you sour puss cry baby.
Sure, people like me
Get yourself together. Get a grip, for God's sake.
People are dying, and some don't have enough to eat. LIFE IS SHORT. You know, I watched the new Nickleback video clip "If Today Was Your Last Day" and I thought, wow...life is bloody short. The video was about all a dude giving away his savings money to strangers and a groups of people wearing wind-breakers with words "Fall in love" , " Call up an old friend" and all kinds of to-do things before we die shit.
So what did I do after watching the wretched video clip? I fucking text messaged my beloved and gave him a virtual kiss, just for the heck of it.
Dude, he's got to understand that I still have feelings for him, regardless of his feelings for me.
Look, if Michael Jackson's death does not teach you that life is short, then I don't know what will.
3) I AM SO OBSESSIVE when it comes to stuff. I concentrate so much on things that I burn myself out. Check me out today. I was typing my three stories for the state assembly and my friends around me saw how madly focused I was on my work- with frowning face and kerut dahi while typing my story. I suppose I get so obsessive of things that it becomes suffocating. There's no room to breathe.
I was stressed, which is something that always happens to me.
One friend had to tell me "Nyah jangan tension". Another colleague told me to "rilek la" as I stared so full of concentration at my PC screen.
Today, I had to juggle work and the prospect of meeting up with an old friend, who came to JB from Singapore. I ended up not meeting my friend, as I was so engrossed with work that I did not realise that the time had flew. Before I knew it was 4pm and my friend had to rush back to Singapore.
It sucks to lose out on things just for work sake. It has happened to me before. With Akademi Fantasia. With attending Omaro's wedding. With watching an Istana Budaya theatre show many years ago. These were all lost opportunities.
------------------------
(the following is an earlier entry, which I haven't posted)
Two weeks after my heart was broken.....
I have come to grips with my broken-hearted situation. I have realised that I can live without him. It's true what friends say, that time is a healer. I will get over the love that is lost. Though I am still hurting, at least I can see this vision of myself - it's me having a nice life with a special person who I love and loves me back. I will hold on to that vision.
Gosh, I was quite fucked up. Imagine having your lover tell you that he wants an open relationship. I admit, that in My World, many people like me practice open relationships. But honestly, such openness just leads to a bleeding heart.
Being a guy, I have my sexual release. Nay, being a living breathing human means that I have sexual need. But I openness comes at a price. I can only take this open relationship thing up to a certain point.
My heart cannot take casual flings with strangers anymore. If I want to get over him, it would be by way of a new lover, or something big has to occur that keeps me distracted.
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