So this is what happened. I smashed my laptop against a coffee table. It has a glass top. So that cracked with a nice bullet sort of shape with a cobweb kind of shape. What's not nice was my mum was in the next room and rushed over to see what was wrong. What was wrong with me?
I can't explain. I couldn't explain to her. But i'll try to tell you.
My laptop all nice and sturdy and used for the past four years went rolling on the tiled floor of the porch. I think I smashed that thing twice. It was so close; the time when i could just have let go and the time that all my work could have ended. But i just needed to smash that laptop. Why? Because my head was spinning around and I just wanted to scream. Or react. Or move. I just needed some kind of release for it. All this pathetic crap that I needed to get out of my system. I needed an outlet, so I smashed my laptop against the coffee table and the coffee table got cracked real badly.
But i am still sad just thinking about it.
My pathetic life and being enslaved to work, circumstances. Not being able to do what I want. What did I want to do? Anything but what I was doing at the time; which was working after pulling my car to the house.