--------I'm scared, guys--------
There I've said it. I'm scared about my transfer. From shock, to confusion to denial and now finally, I'm scared.
I'm scared of the type of person I'll end up becoming when I move to Kedah. Will I still be me?
I'm scared if I would survive there, without friends and family.
I'm scared that I might just breakdown, get depressed, feel lonely, feel alien, feel sad, feel hopeless, feel helpless when I'm there.
Dude, I'm not much of a reporter. I don't think I was born to get breaking stories. NO DOUBT, I can do it, I've been doing quite well- I must agree with the praises I've been getting ( I know, I know, Suka sgt nak publisiti) . But I guess that's just me, a fool who'll work hard and follow everything my superiors tell me.
God, macam mana lah aku nak berjaya dalam hidup? Asyik turut je perintah orang. Orang yang berjaya capai cita-cita ialah orang yang melawan arus semata-mata untuk capai apa yang diidamkan.
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, I need a job. Since I have a flair in writing I might as well use it. That's one of the main reasons why I applied for this job.
Scene 1....
Ramblinging in 2002: Hmmm, NST ada offer keje reporter lah. Hmm let's see- good command in English- got it
good command in Bahasa Malaysia- got it lah
have interest in everything and anything- okay, so I was a self-absorbed katak bawah tempurung, but who gives a shit?
flair for writing- yup. well I did get As for all my writing courses in university and school- so I suppose it's like a sign from God telling me to.....WRITE, Ramblinging, WRITE..... hehe
--My mother once sms-ed me and told me to be more expressive in my writing. She praised one of my Showtime stories, saying that it was great and that I should express myself more in writing. I told her lah: Mummy, macam mana lah nak be expressive in news writing. You gotta follow a format. You gotta arrange your thoughts, use the inverted pyramid concept and write logically. concisely, tightly.
Honestly, I'm looking forward to saving a lot of money when I'm in Kedah. Hidup kat KL nih mahal lah- pegi shopping la, massage la, tasik la, clubbing la- GOD, it's expensive to be cool and hang out in KL. So kat Kedah I hope I can claim a bit more, learn to save a bit more and then use that money to start the next chapter of my life- after NST.
Berapa puluh kali dah aku dengar lagu 'Breakaway' Kelly Clarkson and contemplated , well, breaking away. But I need the dough, dudes and dudettes. It's a big, humongous sacrifice just to earn money though. But I've been thinking- I should just think of it sensibly. Forget that I hate moving away from KL. Forget that it's an alien far away place. forget that I feel like they're dumping me in the middle of nowhere. Forget all that. Forget that I've been living a crazy/fabulous/hedonistic lifestyle in KL and that I might not survive even one minute in Alor Star.
Forget all that.
I'm going there to work. It's got places to live in, it's got people to work with. The place has got food, shelter, people, functioning toilets, roads- all the basic necessities.
It has got people. You can live.
I'll live. I'll survive, Insya-Allah.
PLEASE, LET ME SURVIVE THERE, YA ALLAH.
I won't be living the same way I lived here, but I'll still live. I can
still be me, but in a different form, a different 'shape', you know.
Essentially, I am who I am. I am Ramblinging. But Ramblinging in Kedah would live differently than Ramblinging in KL.
But I swear- God help me- I'll stay the same. Heck, man I reckon nobody can take that away from me.
I thought I had lost myself when I lived in Kelantan ten years ago. I went through a total change. I had culture shock and I changed dramatically, just to suit my surroundings. But in the end i lost myself. I even thought that I lost myself because of what this one person did to me, which at that moment in time- was the biggest ordeal of my life. I though that I'd fallen from grace. That I was lost and was no longer myself.
But now, looking back at that incident, I realised that we were young. We just had to go through it. It was shitty back then. It was a life-changing experience. And I could only be who I am now because of that incident. Because of those two years in MRSM Pengkalan Chepa.
The first year in Kelantan was hell, but the second year, when I was form 5- was KICK ASS. I had loads of fun because I was a senior and I just, I guess, got over myself, and just let my hair down a little. Sure the incident bugged me, and it ruined my friendship with the person. But if I can meet him today- I'd say- I'm sorry man. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. But I had to make that decision because I just had to, for my own good. I wish you happiness, man.
OK, lah cukup lah pasal diri aku....
There I've said it. I'm scared about my transfer. From shock, to confusion to denial and now finally, I'm scared.
I'm scared of the type of person I'll end up becoming when I move to Kedah. Will I still be me?
I'm scared if I would survive there, without friends and family.
I'm scared that I might just breakdown, get depressed, feel lonely, feel alien, feel sad, feel hopeless, feel helpless when I'm there.
Dude, I'm not much of a reporter. I don't think I was born to get breaking stories. NO DOUBT, I can do it, I've been doing quite well- I must agree with the praises I've been getting ( I know, I know, Suka sgt nak publisiti) . But I guess that's just me, a fool who'll work hard and follow everything my superiors tell me.
God, macam mana lah aku nak berjaya dalam hidup? Asyik turut je perintah orang. Orang yang berjaya capai cita-cita ialah orang yang melawan arus semata-mata untuk capai apa yang diidamkan.
BUT AT THE END OF THE DAY, I need a job. Since I have a flair in writing I might as well use it. That's one of the main reasons why I applied for this job.
Scene 1....
Ramblinging in 2002: Hmmm, NST ada offer keje reporter lah. Hmm let's see- good command in English- got it
good command in Bahasa Malaysia- got it lah
have interest in everything and anything- okay, so I was a self-absorbed katak bawah tempurung, but who gives a shit?
flair for writing- yup. well I did get As for all my writing courses in university and school- so I suppose it's like a sign from God telling me to.....WRITE, Ramblinging, WRITE..... hehe
--My mother once sms-ed me and told me to be more expressive in my writing. She praised one of my Showtime stories, saying that it was great and that I should express myself more in writing. I told her lah: Mummy, macam mana lah nak be expressive in news writing. You gotta follow a format. You gotta arrange your thoughts, use the inverted pyramid concept and write logically. concisely, tightly.
Honestly, I'm looking forward to saving a lot of money when I'm in Kedah. Hidup kat KL nih mahal lah- pegi shopping la, massage la, tasik la, clubbing la- GOD, it's expensive to be cool and hang out in KL. So kat Kedah I hope I can claim a bit more, learn to save a bit more and then use that money to start the next chapter of my life- after NST.
Berapa puluh kali dah aku dengar lagu 'Breakaway' Kelly Clarkson and contemplated , well, breaking away. But I need the dough, dudes and dudettes. It's a big, humongous sacrifice just to earn money though. But I've been thinking- I should just think of it sensibly. Forget that I hate moving away from KL. Forget that it's an alien far away place. forget that I feel like they're dumping me in the middle of nowhere. Forget all that. Forget that I've been living a crazy/fabulous/hedonistic lifestyle in KL and that I might not survive even one minute in Alor Star.
Forget all that.
I'm going there to work. It's got places to live in, it's got people to work with. The place has got food, shelter, people, functioning toilets, roads- all the basic necessities.
It has got people. You can live.
I'll live. I'll survive, Insya-Allah.
PLEASE, LET ME SURVIVE THERE, YA ALLAH.
I won't be living the same way I lived here, but I'll still live. I can
still be me, but in a different form, a different 'shape', you know.
Essentially, I am who I am. I am Ramblinging. But Ramblinging in Kedah would live differently than Ramblinging in KL.
But I swear- God help me- I'll stay the same. Heck, man I reckon nobody can take that away from me.
I thought I had lost myself when I lived in Kelantan ten years ago. I went through a total change. I had culture shock and I changed dramatically, just to suit my surroundings. But in the end i lost myself. I even thought that I lost myself because of what this one person did to me, which at that moment in time- was the biggest ordeal of my life. I though that I'd fallen from grace. That I was lost and was no longer myself.
But now, looking back at that incident, I realised that we were young. We just had to go through it. It was shitty back then. It was a life-changing experience. And I could only be who I am now because of that incident. Because of those two years in MRSM Pengkalan Chepa.
The first year in Kelantan was hell, but the second year, when I was form 5- was KICK ASS. I had loads of fun because I was a senior and I just, I guess, got over myself, and just let my hair down a little. Sure the incident bugged me, and it ruined my friendship with the person. But if I can meet him today- I'd say- I'm sorry man. Sorry if I hurt your feelings. But I had to make that decision because I just had to, for my own good. I wish you happiness, man.
OK, lah cukup lah pasal diri aku....
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