BOX OF CHOCOLATES: Forrest Gump questioned the meaning of life in front of his Momma's grave in one scene. He asked: 'I don't know if God has a plan for all of us, or whether we're all just floating around..I guess it's a bit of both'. Dude, Life is like a box a chocolates, man!


Life has a way of fucking up all you thought was true. But there is also a fine line between what happens and what YOU want to happen.
How far can we 'usaha' and how much is pre-determined. Though most of fate is beyond our control. We are taught to believe that we reap what we sow. You get what you give. My ustazah told me that God would always reward those who make efforts to achieve something.

But sometimes things turn the opposite of what you thought would happen. You become somebody you never thought you would.

I never thought that I'd be a journalist.

Never. Writer, yes. You know, writer of novels, stories, etc. Not the guy who frantically jots down what a minister says (and trying very hard to calm down cause he just doesn't understand a thing, and feaking out cause he just can't write fast enough. And trying to handle the two problems while acting very professionally outside)- I apologise for rambling.

I thought I'd be someone else. So it has got me thinking. Do we really end up what we always dreamed of?

I've been in this job for two years- it was originally just a job to earn money to do things I like.

Now I've neither the time nor the money to do things I like. And with my transfer, I now find it harder to do things I like. The location doesn't have the stuff which I like.

The sad thing is even when I was in KL, I never made the effort to do what I like. The frequent excuse was that I hadn't the time. I HADN'T THE TIME. Really, I never had time because of the nature of my job. But really, even I think that's a lame excuse.

Moreover I'm not an aggressive person when it comes to my wants.

I like to just go with the flow. I'm extremely easy-going. I'm too nice sometimes. I even care about other people before myself usually.

OK. I've accepted that part of me. That's how I am. I'm not going to beat myself up for it. I'm too old to be too critical of myself.

In this day and age, people can do whatever they want. Parents and older relatives would always talk about the old days when people had to make do with whatever jobs they had. My aunt would say "Masa tu 'kerja' akan mencari orang. Sekarang ni orang mencari kerja." She meant that back then there were many jobs, which often come to you. People back then just worked at anything. You couldn't be picky.

Ministers still tell the youth not to be picky with jobs, but many don't listen because many want to do things they like. I have a choice right?

(Another thing that doesn't help is that my brain works very messily. When I write, my ideas and points are scattered all over the place. I have difficulty practicing the inverted pyramid.)

I know what symptoms these are. I'm just not brave enough to say it.

I think I have a very artistic brain. I see things which are all over the place. I think very holistically. Now, what I need is a channel to put all this into.

Pathetic, right?