It can be depressing to read my blog, I assume. Ya lah, there's always bits and pieces about me feeling down or being freakingly critical of myself.
OK, I will try to keep it a wee bit chirpy and above all, real. Yes, this is the Real World: Ramblinging Edition!
I was off yesterday and I had a totally unwanted sexcapade! It was the lowest of the lowest kind of holiday. Have you ever had your girlfriend/boyfriend AND your mistress/'the other guy' be in the same room with you? Well that's what happened to me yesterday.
Of course in my world, being promiscuous is a given. Everybody does it but no one wants to know about it.
I've met many people like me who are in open relationships: you have one lover, but you are allowed to fool around as long as you don't utter a word. Hmmm...life is quite fucked up, kan? But that's reality and I am struggling to grapple this concept.
And it doesn't help now that I'm in a state of confusion. I am questioning myself now. I find that my lifestyle is physically not feasible. Boleh? What's wrong with me?
The biggest reason is that I've been having some problems with 'it'. Aiyoh, I may sound vague now. How to say it ah.....
I have been feeling some discomfort whenever I am with someone.
And the discomfort has made me question the whole concept of this lifestyle.
Either way, I HAVE to accept what I am. I suppose I need to find another way of getting what I want. It's probably a phase but perlu ke all this fuss?
I guess I am eccentric. Aiyo...
OK, I will try to keep it a wee bit chirpy and above all, real. Yes, this is the Real World: Ramblinging Edition!
I was off yesterday and I had a totally unwanted sexcapade! It was the lowest of the lowest kind of holiday. Have you ever had your girlfriend/boyfriend AND your mistress/'the other guy' be in the same room with you? Well that's what happened to me yesterday.
Of course in my world, being promiscuous is a given. Everybody does it but no one wants to know about it.
I've met many people like me who are in open relationships: you have one lover, but you are allowed to fool around as long as you don't utter a word. Hmmm...life is quite fucked up, kan? But that's reality and I am struggling to grapple this concept.
And it doesn't help now that I'm in a state of confusion. I am questioning myself now. I find that my lifestyle is physically not feasible. Boleh? What's wrong with me?
The biggest reason is that I've been having some problems with 'it'. Aiyoh, I may sound vague now. How to say it ah.....
I have been feeling some discomfort whenever I am with someone.
And the discomfort has made me question the whole concept of this lifestyle.
Either way, I HAVE to accept what I am. I suppose I need to find another way of getting what I want. It's probably a phase but perlu ke all this fuss?
I guess I am eccentric. Aiyo...
Comments
Yes, it's weird. Firstly, I can never imagine sharing the same bed with my lover and my spouse/partner - both at the same time. Giler ke apa? Hahahah. Don't know why.. I'm just not into threesome thingy. But that's not to say that no one hasn't asked me for a threesome!
But nope, I just dont think I can handle it. I'm more conventional and traditional in that sense, I think.
But I have to admit that you are right. We all go thru different phases in life. At one point dulu, I was so pissed off with men, that I thought it'd be better to be in a homosexual relationsgip. Hence, me ending up making out with a girl! Hahaha. I guess, to me, life is all about experimenting. I mean, you wouldn't know what you want/like if you don't try out all possibilities kan?
Life is short, babe. So live it to the fullest. Do whatever you want to do. Don't let anyone / society decide what is best or not for you. Nobody understands your needs more than you do kan?
Anyways, if you need to talk, I'm just a phone call/letter away.. :)
*missing you from klcc*