I bought the One Republic CD today. Their song Apologize has been mengiang-ngiang in my head a lot lately. I like the other say Say (All I need ) too. I think the lead singer Ryan sings with a lot of passion. I like his soul and I can feel the emotions when he sings. I dig dudes who can sing it with soul. I dig anyone who could lay it all bare and be naked, emotionally in song and acting. Yup, that's me alright.

My transfer is pretty much confirmed at this point. I need only get off my fat ass and get crackin'. But do I get crackin'? No. As usual, with every transfer, I go into a state of denial. I ask myself, "Is this really happening?" I go into a trancelike state which lasts for weeks. I freak out when I get transfered too. 'Tis strange, no? But I asked for it. I'm finally grabbing the bulls by its horns.

Ramadan has been haywire, especially when it comes to my diet and health. It's been more than a week, I think, since I last jogged. I definitely despise my image that's reflected in the mirror. How did I end up being someone I am not? I wonder who that person is. And my real image never equals the image I have in my head of who I want to be. Weird, huh?

I want to be me. But a fun lovin' me who doesn't enslave himself to work 24-7. I want to be someone who surfs the waves and goes to the beach often. I want to be that someone who could write kick ass prose and verse, but who could also direct people on stage. I want to be involved in that Stage. But I want to be that outdoorsy dude too.